i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
