No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
