Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
