Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
