I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
