Kiss
Puke
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
