She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
