his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
