i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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