her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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