I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
