it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
