No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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