Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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