You can't special order awesome
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
