They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
