failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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