I just threw up on my dentist
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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