I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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