oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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