So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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