So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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