He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
