You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
