worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
