you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
