Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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