Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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