giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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