I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
