great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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