You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize