Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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