if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
