Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
