I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
