I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
