Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
