'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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