I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
