i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
