I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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