I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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