fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
