I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
