YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
