home. puking in laundry basket.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
