Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
