I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize