did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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