Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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