Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
