Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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