In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
