I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
