So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize