i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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