sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
